To post, or not to post?

That has been the question for the last couple of weeks.

This was hard to write, for it meant putting into words the thoughts and feelings that have been tormenting me for over a year.  I'd like to say that my wounds have started healing.  In truth, they are nearly as raw as they were a year ago.  Because of that, I still don't know if I should be posting this.  I've been afraid that I will come across as angry and bitter.  In all honesty, though, sometimes I am.  There are times I seethe.  Mostly, I just hurt.

In the end, knowing that only a handful of people will read this, most of whom are family, I have decided to post it.  So here, in much condensed form (i.e. minus the emotional ramblings), are the things I learned in 2009.

1. Out of sight, out of mind.  You need to be physically in front of someone for them to remember that you exist.

2.  You don't have to take action.  Merely having good intentions is good enough.  (The phrase "we should..." needs to be banned.)

3.  If you want to see the people you consider friends, you must take the initiative.  When you stop doing so...see item #1.

4.  Taking the initiative does not guarantee success.

5.  Busyness has become an accepted excuse for nearly everything.

6.  "Mommy, why don't any of my friends invite me over to their house to play?" is not a question a mom ever wants to answer.

7.  Not only is it bad manners, it also stinks to do all the inviting, and never get an invitation in return, no matter what age you are.

8. Most people who grew up here, stay here.  When you live in one place your whole life, you have family and a lifetime of friends already. There is little need to expand that circle.

9. When you move to such a place, you will always be on the outside looking in.

10.  When the hurt is almost more than you can bear, you often receive exactly the lift you need, usually in the most unexpected packages.

11.  I can type amazingly well through tears.

12.  I have the most wonderful, patient, and understanding husband.  I love and appreciate him more than I could possibly ever express.